Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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