i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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