Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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