the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
