Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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