I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
