I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
