His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
