who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize