Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize