He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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