I will die if light touches me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
