Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's blow job season.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
