I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's intense
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
