Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
