piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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