But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
