Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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