Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
