Need sex. Gaining weight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
