hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
