I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize