the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
