You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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