Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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