This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
