Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
