My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
