Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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