Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize