Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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