I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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