What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
there is glitter all over my balls
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