I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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