Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
