I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
