He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
