The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
