Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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