I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
