Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
