I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
