I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
