I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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