My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
