so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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