I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
