Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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