Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
