I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
