He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
