his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
