Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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