this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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