I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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