I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
