Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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