i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
