Soap is not a condiment
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
