I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
