The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
