singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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