so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize