I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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