My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
