Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
