remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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