My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
