he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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