I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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