I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
