Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
