My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
