She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Pooping to opera.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
