so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize