Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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