Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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