There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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