if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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