that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
