Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
