Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
