ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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