Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
