look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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