I think i sorta joined a cult last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
