You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
