Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
