i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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