remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
