So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize