some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize