to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
