Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
