I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
