nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
