I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
