you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
