I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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