booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
