i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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