if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
