We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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