so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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