3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
