I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Couch. On fire.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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