Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
