Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
