just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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