in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
