I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
