I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
