just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize