were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I touched a dick in church today
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